Morning Thoughts

It's Wednesday morning. Coffee is brewing. The first batch of banana and chocolate chip muffins are in the (toaster) oven. Jesus music is playing. Rain is falling and the house is humid. My throat is sore this morning, but I'm trusting the Lord for a quick recovery and meantime I'm flushing my body with gallons of water.

My thoughts are numerous today, and I'm not sure where to begin, or if I even should. I haven't had much time to process things lately, to write down my thoughts and feel clarity once again organize the mess of jumbled emotions and ideas in my mind. Last night I went to bed exhausted but unable to sleep, my thoughts running to and fro across my mind and across the world. I was angered by the reality of the red light district--having just spent an evening in a bar visiting my friends. I was distressed by sentimental emotions, remembering and missing someone who I thought was going to be in my life forever, who now is not in it at all. Just those feelings alone were enough to cause tears to find my pillow in the darkness.

I'm not sure how to deal with all the things that I see and feel on a daily basis. But I know from experience that His grace is sufficient, so I am not allowing my emotions to run my life, but instead trusting that He cares for me so my burdens are being cast on Him this morning.

That being said, it's time to check the muffins. And take a shower. Clarity will have to wait for another day, but at least I have a wonderful Guide to lead me through this Wednesday with perfect faithfulness.

Smells I will Miss

Last month, I wrote a list of things that I will miss seeing when I leave Thailand. Living in a different culture means that everyday sights, smells and sounds are entirely different from things I experience in the US. I love my life in Thailand; this has truly become a home to me, and I will miss it tremendously when I return home to the states. For now, here is a list of things that I enjoy smelling each day I live my life in Thailand, and that I will miss when I depart in two months....

-rice cooking on my morning runs
-spices that catch in your throat and cause a whole restaurant full of people to start coughing
-fried squid (okay... I lied, this is one smell I will NOT miss. It gets caught in your helmet when the visor is down as you drive and then all you smell is squid. I'm not a fan.)
-incense burning
-exhaust as I drive (it sounds weird... and I dislike exhaust now, but I bet that in 2 months when I'm no longer driving my motorbike behind stinky tuk-tuks I'm gonna be missing it
-Thai tea
-clean laundry hanging out to dry on the street
-Thai food in general
-the leelawadee flower's beautiful scent

Stepping Away

I have been considering for some time now the affects of a life defined by status updates and notifications, and have come to find within myself some things that I wish I weren't seeing. I have based too much of my worth in how many ‘likes’ my new profile pictures get. I have determined my level of acceptance by how many comments or messages I receive. I have been living a life vicariously through photos of beautiful things, instead of experiencing beautiful things. I have established my intelligence on the number of views my blog pages get. I have based too much of my value on what I think other people think of me based on the “love” I receive via social networking. I’m tired of it. I am tired of seeing myself through the eyes of others instead of seeing myself through the eyes of Christ. How many comments will it take to make me feel secure in my identity today? That is a question I never want to ask myself.

It’s time to step away.

I read this article this morning, and it spoke the final words that I needed to hear to take this step: http://goodwomenproject.com/daily-life/13-days-without-social-media I suggest that you read it and ask the Lord what He might have you do as well.

At this point I don’t know how long I’ll be away… it may be 2 weeks, a month, or longer. I’ll let the Lord decide. But I’m going to do what’s good for me and give myself to the Lord and let Him determine my identity and worth each day.

No Facebook.

No Tumblr.

No Instagram.

If you absolutely need me… shoot me an email. But I do not promise a quick reply.

Here I come, Jesus….