I have been having my worst parenting moments ever of my
year plus of motherhood. Eloise started the week out sick, and it’s just gotten
worse from there. My patience is not thin, it’s gone. I kicked a stuffed animal
this morning. I know my anger is uncalled for and sinful but OH! I am
struggling to overcome it. El is getting into everything. All. Day. Long. I
want my vocabulary towards her to include more than “no”, “stop” or “don’t
touch”. Timeout is too frequent for her, and I need timeout more than she does.
I bought a candle yesterday called “Warm and Happy Home”. In
my mind I would light this candle and my house would smell wonderful, my
husband would come home to a delicious dinner on the table, a baby who is
playing contentedly, and a wife who is filled with adoration towards her
family. I’ve been disappointed that those effects have not yet materialized.
Instead all I feel is frustration and I want someone to take
my baby from me just for a day. Maybe even an hour. I’ve had three students
interview me this week on spiritual disciplines and leadership, and I feel like
this is probably the worst week of my life to be trying to tell someone what it
looks like to walk out in spiritual ANYTHING.
Nobody tells you parenting is THIS hard.