25

I'm two days away from twenty-five. That used to sound old to me, and even now some days when I think about the fact that I live in Minnesota, work two part-time jobs, and have no idea what the rest of my life is going to look like, I freak out that I'm hitting a quarter of a century and still feel so clueless sometimes (not to mention I live in an icy barren wasteland [slight exaggeration]). But then I realize that my husband is 31 and pretty much in the same boat, so then I feel okay. Ha. Just kidding, baby.

I was a college student for six years of my recent life. You know what that means? It means I had a pretty solid direction for a good chunk of time (granted, I changed my direction halfway through college and thus added 2 more years on to the "plan"). The last couple years of college life were especially intense, so honestly I didn't give much thought to the fact that the yellow brick road I was on was quickly turning into gravel and mud. Aka, what the heck was next in life?? By some amazing "luck," (*grace/blessing/favor) I got married the year I graduated college, which was not in my plan, but was a very welcome turn of events. But now that means that instead of discovering what's next in life for me, I suddenly have to try to figure out what's next in life for me and another person. Whaaat? 

BUT, there is a plus side to having 2 people figure something out together--you make fewer dumb moves. At least, you hope you do. Two people with two ideas, two perspectives, two motives, and two beliefs that they are right makes for a fantastic (albeit, sometimes messy) equation to discovering what to do in life. Or, it means that you talk a lot about all your ideas and then still end up clueless. But I have faith that one day we'll get it right. Until then, we pray, we dream, we go for things until we end up at dead ends, and then we try something else--all while remaining faithful in the tasks before us (read: working multiple jobs, making dinner, cleaning the house, investing in relationships, studying the Word, and doing homework).

I guess what I'm trying to say is, life is good, and I'm really glad that I have someone to celebrate it with. I think that in another few years (or 50) I'll be able to look back on all our adventures and clueless, sleepless nights and be able to say that I lived well. So here's to 25, to life with Matthew, to being led by the Spirit of the living God, and muddy, messy roads which I am sure will lead to the most amazing views.

Undisturbed

Marriage is exponentially more difficult than singleness. I'm still getting used to another person having the power to affect me in such a way as I now experience. Perhaps I am exposing my own weakness in even allowing myself to be so effected by another's words, moods or unintended non-verbal communication.

All week I have been thinking of the "beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit."  I'm finding it challenging to remain unaffected by less than perfect circumstances. But why should they derail me, agitate me, change my good mood? The Greek word for quiet in 1 Peter 3:4 is hesychios, a word derived from hedraios, which means 'firm, immovable, steadfast -- of those who are fixed in purpose.' It also means 'sitting or sedentary.' Peter describes a picture of a calmness of heart--not getting worked up--but being set on a purpose and immovable in that. It reminds me of a line I used to quote from Jane Eyre--who's author quoted it from Thomas Moore: "sitting in sunshine, calm and sweet."

My husband--a good man--doesn't always do things the way that I want him to, but that is no reason to become agitated. It is when he doesn't do things "right" that I have the opportunity to display the kind of beauty that the Lord loves. Thus is the gentle and quiet spirit. The undisturbed one, though tumultuous storms may roar around her, remains unmoved within them.