I can't sleep at night when I'm frustrated. Last night was no exception. It is not often that frustration causes sleeplessness for me; in fact it is really only when I've done something that is not good for me that I become frustrated, and that opens the door to other reckless emotions. Then I toss and turn in bed, unable to release the torrent of thoughts heaving through my mind. I should have known better than to do something that, on top of all that is already going on in my mind and heart, would cause me distress. Yet last night I had done it, and then bore the consequences later by attaining anything but rest. Finally, I broke, and in my bed the frustration ran down my cheeks and wet my pillow.
Frustration that he told me he loved me. Frustration that promises were made that now will never be fulfilled. Frustration that I can't know what he is thinking and feeling. Frustration that I lack answers to the many questions being asked of me. Frustration towards myself for being frustrated. And frustration that in this place I have no time to process everything!
The emotion released, I finally rested, but my swollen eyes this morning are witnesses to the outbreak of last night's frustrations.... and still I have no answers.
No comments:
Post a Comment