Heart-Language

This past week I had the great privilege of hosting my oldest brother and sister-in-law for 10 wonderful days here in Thailand. We had many adventures together, both large and small, and it was very exciting for me to be their tour guide. Since they knew no Thai whatsoever, I also got to be the translator, which was both fun and nerve-racking at points when I just wasn't sure how to communicate. It is amazing though to see how using the heart-language of a people blesses them. Chiang Mai has a large tourist population, so a lot of local Thais are accustomed to farangs speaking no Thai at all. When I speak to them in Thai, however, something in their countenance immediately changes. They realize that I am not a tourist--and I'm not just any other farang who lives in Thailand but never learns the language. I care enough about them that I will study so I can communicate in the language of their heart.

When my family and I joined with other farangs on some of the more touristy adventures I was the only Thai-speaking farang in the group. I thus became a quick friend to our guides. It is a simple thing, but it is so meaningful. There are a lot of missionaries that have been in Thailand for years and barely speak any Thai... they just haven't given the time and effort to it. I don't mean to judge them at all, but you can't do true ministry without learning the heart language of the people you are ministering to. I still have light years to go in my personal study, but it is encouraging for me to see the smile in the eyes of a Thai person when I converse with them.

That being said..... I better go study!

Sharing

Something happens when you share an experience with someone. What you once loved you learn to love to a new level. Memories are built in a place, laughter shared at a secret spot, long talks had at a favorite coffee shop.... And then, when that person leaves, something leaves with them. Those wonderful places lose some of their luster. They take on a different hue—changing from bright to brighter, but then they fade...

A drive through the city now has a different feel. Your joy for living now has a tinge of sadness on the corner. Flooding your mind are new memories only just created days and moments before... wine on the mountain at sunset, walks through the old city, dinner at the restaurant down the street...over and over again, conquering the mountain early in the morning, and coffee runs with double shots in the afternoon.... Check your review mirror— he's not there following behind you with a silly grin on his face. Listen—a laugh, but it's not hers. The room still smells like the last hug you gave before driving away.

It's time to grieve. The tears come... don't stop them. A part of your heart has flown away and dwells across the ocean. You wait for the day when you can retrieve it in their arms once again.

falling

Have you ever met God on the back of a songtao, late at night, while the wind whips through your hair and the stars harmonize with your voice as it is carried along the highway? Tonight, He was found, and I was mesmerized.

“…She, listening with sparkling eyes to everything He said; and, in finding Him irresistible, becoming so herself.”

falling...

Perhaps the countryside of Thailand had never heard the old hymns before tonight; I introduced them. The trees, the grassy fields, and the wind sang along with me, teaching me to worship with every breath as they do. This is what He created me for—

I could fall in love every night...

Father's Day (Happy Birthday, King!)

Monday marks Father's Day in Thailand. It is a very special day because it is also the birthday of the king of Thailand. In fact, Father's Day is always on the king's birthday (which means that, yes, it changes with the kings!). It is a public holiday, so all of Thailand is preparing for this special day.The current king of Thailand has been reigning since 1946 and is highly revered and beloved by his people. All around the city, stations like the one pictured below have been popping up in honor of the king for his 84th birthday. I have been told that so important is this day that if a Thai son is born on the king's birthday, he is granted free education for the rest of his life! Likewise, if a daughter is born to Thai parents on the queen's birthday (Mother's Day!), she is granted the same. (This last bit of information was word of mouth... I have tried researching it to confirm it and can't find anything--so, don't take my word for it). :)

{I took this picture tonight outside of the local supermarket}

On Father's Day people will show their love and respect for the king by wearing his special color--yellow! The king's day of the week throughout the year is Monday, so people also wear yellow on Mondays. This king ascended the throne at the age of 19 when an untimely death thrust him into power. He has since become the most adored and respected king in Thailand's history, and the longest reigning sovereign in the world. And get this interesting fact: he was born in Cambridge, Massachusetts! :O

Happy 84th, King Bhumibol Adulyadej, Rama IX!

This Morning

In the dream I woke up from this morning I was standing in awe of the King of Kings before whom I worshiped (namatsagaan—currently my favorite Thai word—means worship). I was lost in the sense of His powerful presence and floored by the unconditional love He poured out on me. When I awoke, however, I was faced once again with the reality of a challenging situation staring me down, and all sensations of awe quickly left me, while those of dread crept in. God how am I going to deal with this? I need grace. I wanted to complain; how rude to be awakened from His presence to the harsh reality of life on earth.

But then God spoke Truth, and reminded me that His power and goodness remain although the dream is gone: “Julie, I have given you everything you need for life and godliness. You already possess the tools to overcome and to do so with grace. Just keep your eyes riveted on Me and remember the mercy that I daily show you. Let that be your example to follow.”

There is never any arguing with that. Ok, Lord. Here goes….

In Everything Give Thanks

Tonight the house smells spicy. Pumpkin pies are (slowly!) baking in the toaster oven after two of my teammates and I decided that we couldn't have Thanksgiving without pies. We went on a wild goose chase through the grocery stores to find the necessary ingredients, but tomorrow we will Lord-willing be eating both pumpkin and apple pies (my first time making them!). It is my first Thanksgiving away from home, but the Lord has been gracious to me. Although I miss my family and long for them, I am so excited to have the experience of sharing a Thanksgiving meal with 9 of my wonderful friends in Thailand.

We are all coming together to make this meal possible (and spending way more money than we anticipated!), and are equally excited about this day to give thanks for the many blessings that the Lord has faithfully and lavishly given.

A short list of things I am thankful for tonight, Thanksgiving Eve:

• my Thai friends
• fresh flowers from my good friend at the market
• the way the Lord has blessed my relationships with locals
• a wonderful, loving, supportive team
• Daddy Richard who speaks to me the words of the Father
• the ability to buy food to make an American Thanksgiving meal
• my family back home who is fully supportive of me and the call the Lord has placed on me
• the people who do not forget me before the Lord, interceding on my behalf
• cold season (so I sweat a little less)
• grace to learn this overwhelming language
• my baby niece
• my sister Heather who encourages me daily
• Jesus' work for me on the cross--did you know, it is finished!?
• sanctification
• MERCY
• challenging situations (and people) that push me to grow in intimacy with the Savior and to love as He loves
• every spiritual blessing
• the ability to love and feel deeply
  
• my wonderful, abundant life (yeah... that one just kinda sums up everything :))

Ok, so the short list became kinda long. But honestly, once you start being thankful, it's hard to stop. I hope that you find yourself having the same problem. :)

Go under his ever abiding, all encompassing mercy,

Jules

Running the Mountain

Several weeks ago, I decided to make for myself a goal that would be by no means easily attained. For a few years now I have been running on a consistent basis, and I enjoy running especially when I have a goal in mind. My goal this time around: run up Doi Suthep--one of Chiang Mai's tallest mountains at 5,499 feet. I have never run on inclines, save for the sparse hills in Florida and Minnesota both, so this is a new adventure for sure. I have been training for a few weeks now and have seen definite improvement in my performance, but it is a hard goal to press forward in. I enjoy (okay, I'll be honest--when my alarm goes off at 6am for my mountain runs, I cringe knowing what is to come) my times on the mountain, but the after affects are painful (talk about being sore!). I know this goal won't be attained anytime too soon, but I am looking forward to the day when I can look out over Chiang Mai from the top of the mountain, knowing that my own two feet carried me there.

I feel like in my spiritual life lately I have been running up a mountain as well. I give time and energy to my walk with the Lord and only very slowly do I see changes in my behavior and responses. I have a goal, and that is Christ. I am perseverant; I refuse to give up before the goal is attained no matter what the cost and no matter how long it takes. I want to be conformed to the image of Christ, and if it means running up a mountain, so be it. I will run.

"For I live only to see Your face, so shine on me"

Stopping for Beauty

They are setting off lanterns again tonight for the beginning of Loi Kratong. All around the city strings of lanterns rise from the ground, creating ever shifting constellations as they dance through the night sky. The full moon—marker for the beginning of the festival—lights the perfectly clear heavens. I’m ignoring my homework, mesmerized by the new stars that have taken their places among the galaxies. If only the real stars always looked like this—so clear and bright; but then I would probably never get anything done. The Lord knows what a gift to me His sky is. It pays to have a third floor bedroom window towards the Ping River, because I can witness everything that happens in the night sky from my desk chair. It’s early November, but the festivities remind me of winter time, so I am contentedly listening to the old classics like Frankie and Perry Como sing me Christmas songs.

I stop for beauty. I’m beginning to realize that. Beauty is worth stopping for… I take great delight in it. The Lord takes delight in my delight of it as well. He created beauty to be appreciated and not to be glanced at as I rush on with my life. He created me to appreciate the things that He has made beautiful, to be okay with stopping in the midst of life in order to live.

Get This!

This is what Jesus told me He would do tonight:

He's gonna make me new =)

{..........................}

I don't know how to describe the state I am in at the moment. So many thoughts... so many desires...

I trust you, Jesus, I trust You...

For two weeks now I have been tormented by memories that I thought I had forgotten. Off and on they have plagued my mind, coming unbidden into my thoughts, and have caused unwanted desires to well up in my heart. I have found contentedness in the Lord and in the season I am in, and these memories seek to draw me out of that and give me a restless, aching heart instead. I will not have it, but how do I fight it? I am under attack and in need of prayer.

Did the apostle Paul keep a journal?

I'm a missionary. And I don't feel like a missionary. Never in my life have I felt so unsure of myself, so unsure of my knowledge about God, so unsure of my purpose, so unsure of the words I speak and the things I do.... each moment I am walking blindly... and it is terrifying. At moments like these I want to know if the apostle Paul felt this way. He is my idea of a missionary... but surely he must have struggled as I am. He was under attack as I am. I wish I could read what went on in his thoughts, to know that I am not the only one feeling this way.

Here I go, back to the beginning...

I feel like I am relearning all that I have learned in the past. All the sanctification I thought had been achieved now appears to be lost as I struggle to love just once without thinking of myself. I am the queen of selfish thoughts, words, and actions. It is disgusting. My heart is so full of darkness.

Yet somehow He still loves me, and desires me, and calls me beautiful...

I can't understand this work of grace. I am entirely astounded, and confused. Why am I confused? I have known this God since I was a child. His favor has surrounded me like a shield. Why does it confuse me now?

God help me to understand what You have done and who You say I am. These things do not define me... You define me.

Redefine me, oh God.

Days Like These

I hate feeling worn out. Some days I wake up, I have energy, I make good use of the time I have been given, and I sleep well, knowing that I have not wasted a day that the Lord has given me. Other days, like today, I wake up and I have no energy, no passion, no zest with which to live the life God has blessed me with. I am weary, I am grumpy, and I need the Holy Spirit more than anything. It is days like these that I hate the sinful nature, that I eat a lot of food that I don't need, and that the last thing I want to do is study this beyond difficult language that stares me in the face.

What do I do on a day like this?

My heart is echoing the words of Dan Haseltine:

"I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
the sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can't deny
watch the world I used to love
fall to dust and thrown away"

Oh, Culture! {Take One}

Hey friends, I thought you might be interested in knowing about some of the cultural differences that I have been experiencing since moving to Thailand. My major is intercultural studies, so this program is entirely about learning how to study another culture and integrate into it gracefully and respectfully. It is part of my “homework” that I go out each day and spend some time actively observing the culture. In other words, my homework = people watching. This. Is. Awesome. Here are just a few of the things that I have experienced in my time here… and more will come. :)

I often find myself wanting to step outside onto my front porch, grab a book and a Thai iced tea and prop my feet up to take in the Thai afternoon glory of sunshine and humidity. In America, there would be no problem with such an idea, and you might even see someone doing it today as you drive down the road of your neighborhood. If I were to do it here, however, there would be a little bit of an issue. In Thailand, the bottom of one’s feet is seen as the dirty place on your body, and it is disrespectful to ever show the bottom of your feet or move anything with your feet. Since your feet should never be pointed at anyone, propping them up is simply not an option. *Sigh* I could still read my book out on the front porch, but somehow it has lost its appeal….

And get this: I’m a pretty girl, and in the states it is common to be stared at, honked at, yelled at, and whatever else you might imagine as I walk down the road, buy groceries, stuff my face at local restaurants, and do pretty much anything… But here in Thailand I don’t get any of that! No more long, rude stares by men, no more feeling like I am an object to be used for someone’s pleasure. I asked my leaders why they thought that was the case, and here was my answer: Thai guys simply aren’t too interested in farang women. No interest = no long stares. Hey, it works for me.

Ooh, and here is one that I enjoy. When I walk with my girls, I get to hold their hands! This might not sound too interesting to you, but I enjoy being able to show my affection for someone by walking up beside them and grabbing their hand (and not just shaking it). In the US there would be an immediate assumption that we were not just friends, but more than likely gay friends. It wouldn’t be cool to walk around holding your best friend’s hand if you wanted to be thought of as straight. But here it is totally culturally appropriate to hold hands with the same gender. So I get to walk around with my Thai girls and my American girls alike and hold hands. Yay!

Stay tuned for more of my lovely little cultural adventures!