From My Heart

From my journal, April 4, 2012:

It is very challenging for me to hope and persevere when I feel like I do not have purpose. My role here changes weekly, so I can never find a comfortable spot. That is probably good -- God did not bring me here to make me comfortable. At the same time it causes me to not know what I am supposed to do in any particular moment and then I lack a sense of purpose. I know my goal can't be wanting to know I am being used by God... but is it wrong to want that? It is wrong to want to know if my presence is making a difference? The things God calls us to are certainly never easy.

And so far this week I have done a lame job of pursuing the Lord which I'm sure has resulted in my stress and anxiety and longing for home. Stop longing for home, Jules. You've got a better country -- a heavenly one --awaiting you. Stay the course. The old faithful ones did not think of the country they had left. They looked forward, unto Jesus, who was leading them into something better that He had promised, even though they didn't even know what that was. You gotta keep your head up. Keep your hopes unbroken. You are Liz on top of the world and you're there because you HOPE in the One who has made the PROMISES -- and this hope will NOT lead to disappointment.

Remember, God has you here because it is GOOD for you. He longs to be gracious to you. It is not just that you have given up your life and made all kinds of sacrifices in order to bring peace and justice and blah, blah, blah to girls working as prostitutes. God has brought you to this place at this time because He is sovereign and good and merciful and he has your best interest in mind. That doesn't mean giddy happiness every moment of the day; but it does mean you can trust Him that here and now is the BEST thing for you.

And goodness, really your life is pretty awesome. How many people do you know that get to love people for a living? You teach 9 hours a week and during that time get to forget about yourself and focus your energy and attention on serving others. Besides that you play pool and listen to girls' stories and ask questions and get to hang out AS YOUR JOB. The question is, are you ready to give an answer for the hope that is within you? One of these days it will be time to do that, and you must be prepared. Think on that.