I have five weeks remaining to drive the exhaust-drenched streets of Chiang Mai, and I'm worn out by warring emotions of joy and sorrow at the prospect of leaving Thailand. My dreams at night are starting to focus on my arrival home. My thoughts during the day are also often of the future and what awaits me in the next season of life. At the same time the thought of leaving behind dear friends here is a very painful one; I hate goodbyes. I don't want to "check out" because there is yet work to be done, life to be lived, and love to be extended. My time here is not over yet. But I also feel like I've done a lot of things "wrong", or at least could have done them better, and I just would rather start all over than try to repair what's been broken. I want a clean slate, and sometimes, life in America looks like a clean slate to me.
I so often don't feel "cut out" for missionary life for the rest of my days, but God uses the weak to shame the strong, and I am most definitely a weak vessel. Simple obedience and courageous willingness are all that the Lord needs from me -- not wisdom or talent or a more intriguing personality. He knew exactly who I was when He called me, with all my quirks and weaknesses. He is not surprised or disappointed with who I've "turned out to be". I am enough in Him.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
ReplyDelete- 2 Corinthians 12:9