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Taken from my journal entry today. The last few days have been rough... but He is bigger. If only I can remember that...

"Another day of weariness. I feel as if lately I have not been doing much to expend emotion, and yet, I feel so emotionally worn... I keep craving home--family, best friends, comfort, time to process, no demands--it's a romanticized version of the real thing, but it again appears to me as the escape hatch. I feel too tired to press through two more months of the same thing. I'm tired of seeing my friends struggle--I want Truth to reign in their lives. I want to see God win in a BIG way. But Julie, are you unwilling to see the little battles that He wins? It's always a process. You aren't going to see your friends saved and sanctified all at once. Are you willing to stand beside them through the process? Are you willing to fight the battles with them? God is patient with them and with you. You must also be patient with them and with God. Love is never tired of waiting. Your head knows so well to not grow weary in doing good. You must also train your heart. You must make strong the weak places; you must keep your head up; you must keep your gaze fastened on Christ.

You're stronger than this. You are a fighter, an over-comer, a winner. You will not be defeated -- He promised.

...You know what won't satisfy your longings? Your Mama, Brielle, a strong man's comforting arms around you, R, a change of scenery, a change of lifestyle, compliments, adventure, your own bed back in the US, sleep, coffee. These things won't cut it. You know what will? HIM. He will. Your ความหวังเดียว. Be courageous! Even if courage is simply smiling instead of allowing weariness to cover your face, that is enough. You have a beautiful inheritance. You are the daughter of a King. Is that not worth smiling about?

In you, O Lord, do I take refuge; let me never be put to shame! In your righteousness deliver me and rescue me; incline your ear to me and save me! Be to me a rock of refuge, to which I may continually come; you have given the command to save me, for you are my rock and my fortress... For you, O Lord, are my hope, my trust, O Lord, from my youth....forsake me not when my strength is spent... But I will hope continually and will praise you yet more and more. Psalm 71:1-14

Put your hope in Him, oh my soul. Head up. Heart strong."