The Identity of a Mrs. {Part II}

I'm not as perfect as I thought I was.

I'm sure we've all sat in the church service where the pastor is talking about how as he's sharing his message, you're hoping your spouse is paying attention, because they really need to hear it. I've sat through many services like that, always wondering if, when the time came, I would think that same thing about my spouse.

Well, surprise! I'm just like all of you. I too have hoped that my (almost) spouse is paying attention in the service, because naturally, I've got it all together, but he really needs to work on some things.

Ha.

You know what the amazing thing is, though? I'm marrying a very humble man. I'm marrying a man who is listening in the service, and who afterwards tells me there are things that he needs to work on. Gosh. Do you know how humbling that is? Because all of a sudden I get slapped in the face with the thought "Julie, are you paying attention to the message? Are you paying attention to God's voice? Are you willing to see the things He want to change in you?"

For some reason, it's a lot easier to see all the things that someone else needs to change, instead of what you should work on in your own life. This is one thing that I am coming to discover more and more as I walk towards the altar (67 days!!!). Even as I can so easily see all the things that Matt should do differently, I am likewise seeing the nasty things within myself that God wants to change, that, if I were not preparing for marriage right now, I probably wouldn't be seeing.

This is a hard, but glorious and necessary part of marriage. It's how God designed it. My daily challenge now when I catch myself hoping for change in Matt, is to look inward and ask if I am walking with the integrity that I am insisting that he walk with. Do I meet up with my own standard? Am I falling short in some area that I'm not paying attention to because I'm focused on the flaws in my man?

In all honesty I am really, really amazed by Matt. He continually surprises me with his sensitivity to the Lord. He makes mistakes, and sometimes he makes them very boldly. But I have never known someone who is so willing to humble himself when he has done something wrong and make it right. It's what I needed--an example of humility--to teach me how to be humble and willing to see myself with all my imperfections so that I can grow into who God wants me to be.


Thank you, Matthew.