Thoughts on the Identity of a Mrs.

I have decided that fall is officially the best season. Especially this fall. Never before have I experienced such wonderful colors, perfect temperatures, and overall glory of nature. Today is a blustery day. A colorful day. A day of both blue skies and grey. It's also a day off for me, so naturally, it's a good day.

My life lately has been full, and my mind likewise has been full of thoughts, to which I am trying to put words. Articulation is an art form, and sometimes it stays far from me. I hope to write more often in the next few weeks, finally trying to give form to the ideas that I have been mulling over in my head.

I'll start with this one first:

I'm 79 days away from saying "I do" to the man I love. I've been engaged to Matt  for 4 months, have been dating him for 7, and have known him for 35. Time brings lots of changes, and I'm grateful for all of them, even though sometimes on this journey I've begged God that life be different than how it is, because let's be honest--walking towards marriage is hard. One thing that I've been realizing recently is that my identity is, once again, changing. I'm in the process of going from being a strong, independent, single woman, to being a strong, independent, married woman. I'm not married yet, but I'm starting to think as if I were. Instead of thinking about what I can make myself for dinner, I think about what I can make myself and Matt for dinner. Instead of making plans for the weekend on my own, I'm learning to consult my man. We've been saving our money for things that together we will purchase. It's been fun, but it's a change. I'm having to train myself to think differently, behave differently, and accept that no matter what, I am inextricably linking myself and aligning myself with this man, and that will change--for good or bad--the perception people have of me.

I'll no longer just be Julie. I'll be Julie, and my husband will be Matt. We are two people now, but we are quickly approaching the time when we will be one. I'm not saying that I'm going to lose my identity, become a totally different person, and forget who I am. Chill out. I'm still very much my own person with my own personality. Matt and I will shape each other, cause each other to grow in ways that we would not have grown on our own, and come to be more of a single entity than two individuals. Beautiful.

There will be A LOT of learning in this upcoming season. I have no doubt that being a god-fearing, capable, loving wife is one of the hardest things on earth to do.... but I've always liked a good challenge. =)