Frustration.

I can't sleep at night when I'm frustrated. Last night was no exception. It is not often that frustration causes sleeplessness for me; in fact it is really only when I've done something that is not good for me that I become frustrated, and that opens the door to other reckless emotions. Then I toss and turn in bed, unable to release the torrent of thoughts heaving through my mind. I should have known better than to do something that, on top of all that is already going on in my mind and heart, would cause me distress. Yet last night I had done it, and then bore the consequences later by attaining anything but rest. Finally, I broke, and in my bed the frustration ran down my cheeks and wet my pillow.

Frustration that he told me he loved me. Frustration that promises were made that now will never be fulfilled. Frustration that I can't know what he is thinking and feeling. Frustration that I lack answers to the many questions being asked of me. Frustration towards myself for being frustrated. And frustration that in this place I have no time to process everything!



The emotion released, I finally rested, but my swollen eyes this morning are witnesses to the outbreak of last night's frustrations.... and still I have no answers.

Lord Help!

Just a quickie update for you all! This week has been INSANE..... and that's why I'm updating, because I need your prayers!

We started our second class on Monday, World Religions, and though the teaching has been awesome, the homework load has been heeeeaaaavy! I literally have had next to no time to work on the BIG assignments that we have had, and after pleading with our teacher, our class convinced him that it was just too much for the amount of time we have to do things. So he graciously cut back on one assignment, but I still don't know when I'm gonna get that one done! So-- I have been overwhelmed with homework, and dealing with things with my girls, and dealing with my own personal life and the struggles I am facing at this time. It's just been a lot... and I know it's not too much, or the Lord wouldn't have given it all to me to deal with, but still. So, I am saying, "Lord, help!" this week because I cannot do this all by myself, and I ask you to lift me up in prayer!

This weekend my sophomore cell group is going on retreat, so I am supposed to have "mandatory fun" while I have a million things looming over me waiting to be accomplished! Pray that I would actually be able to relax and enjoy myself with my friends this weekend instead of worrying about all that needs to be done. Also, I went to bed last night feeling like I was getting sick, and though I am doing alright today, I know my body is still fighting it off, and Holly woke up with a sore throat. Continue to pray that I would stay healthy and get loooots of rest, because I can't afford to get sick! Pray for Holly's healing as well!

The Lord is still faithful to me and good to me, and that is what I have to boast in!!!

Still Rejoicing!

Jules

Summer's Passing Quickly

Outside my window the green leaves are turning golden, and the breeze is more chilly than refreshing; autumn is coming on. And as the weather changes, so does my life. The Lord has been bringing big changes into my life at this time, but I can testify to His goodness! He is SO faithful to my heart, and I have absolutely no doubt that He has extraordinary things in store for my future.

I have come to the conclusion that I am an experiential learner, as the Lord is always bringing experiences my way, which can often be painful but always give the best lessons. And I know that the Lord has me learn from my experiences so that I can speak from them in ministering to others... it's all part of His plan-- and definitely comes as a surprise to myself sometimes. By now though I should just start to expect it!

I have been learning about the power of the Holy Spirit lately, and how God longs to pour out His Spirit upon us. He has encountered me in a very real way and I am excited to see the ways that He will continue to make His power known to me! We serve a powerful God!!

Here's a pic of Holly and I from a walk yesterday afternoon. What an incomparable blessing it is to have my best friend with me all the time. I am spoiled rotten. :)

• Please pray for me as I continue to walk out thing things that the Lord is doing in my life. I have great trust in Him, but Satan will want to undermine that, so pray against attacks from the enemy during this time.
• We begin our college-wide outreach this week, and I am going to be working in downtown Minneapolis at the Life Center with inner city kids. I'm excited to begin! Pray for opportunities to speak life and the love of Christ into the lives I'll be working with!
• Continue to pray for wisdom as I lead my girls. God is teaching me LOTS through them!
• This week I have an interview with the staff at Bethany International for my Global Internship! If I'm accepted then I will officially be heading on Global Internship next August! Pray that the Lord will be preparing me for that next step (and of course that I'll be accepted for GI!) :)
• Ryan got his MRI and spinal tap results back on Wednesday and it was confirmed that he has MS. Please pray with me for his healing and for peace as he learns to live with this diagnosis until the Lord heals him!
  

Thank you all for your prayers, and please continue them! Be blessed, my friends. Love you all!

Rejoicing always,

Jules

Highlights!

It's about time I finally updated my blog! It has been on my list of things to do all week, and since this has been the first opportunity I have had to update, you can imagine how busy I have been! I have been on a roller coaster of sorts... some days are absolutely fabulous with classes and mentoring my girls, and other days I feel like if Jesus called me Home at that moment I would have absolutely no objection (well to be honest I'd never have any objection except that I feel like my work on earth isn't done yet, but that's beside the point!). What I'm trying to say is that the last two weeks have been very challenging, yet at times very rewarding as well. Such is life as a mentor at BCOM!

I'll try to hit the highlights of the past two weeks:

• I started one-on-ones with my girls. Some I walk out of absolutely refreshed and feeling alive, and some I walk out of feeling drained and absolutely incapable. It keeps me coming back to the Source of my strength for this journey I'm on! I am dealing with things with some of my girls that I have never in my life had to deal with before, and I have no clue how to help lead them out of their brokenness and answer their excellent questions. I'm praying for an abundance of wisdom!
• Right now I'm still in Evangelism, Discipleship, and Community class. Learning a lot about the Church, but many days I'm saddened more than anything by what I learn, because the Church today is so far from what the Lord intended it to be! We have one week left of this class before taking World Religions!
• Last Sunday I had a new experience: the Minnesota State Fair. Ryan and I went with part of his family--and walked around the HUGE fair for 11 hours! I was a bit worn out, as you can imagine, but it was a fun time.
• My best friend from FL, Brooke, is now going to Crown College, a mere 30 minute drive from BCOM, so we were able to spend some time together last weekend. She and Holly and I had a blast together!!! Praise the Lord for best friends!
• Cell group has been awesome the last two weeks with my girls. I am blessed with such an amazing group. We have good discussions, we encourage one another, and we have fun! What more could you ask for? We are going to be reading the book The Five Love Languages together to better learn how to love each member of our group! Pray that the Lord would continue to inspire me to lead these beautiful women of the Lord!! I am currently planning our cell group retreat for the first weekend of October, and am looking forward to the time of bonding that we will experience at that time.
• The Lord has been teaching me this week the great importance of seeking Him out each and every day... something you would think that by this time I would fully understand, but I am just now grasping the gravity of it! I have been much more diligent this week to set aside portions of my days to spend sitting at His feet and have been blessed beyond measure. Pray that I would continue to seek Him out and that I would find the joy of being lovesick for Christ!
• Praise the Lord I have not once gotten sick while I have been here so far! I had allergies for about a week, but that was minor. Almost all of my girls were sick last week and I managed by the grace of God to stay healthy through it all. He is SO GOOD! Pray for continued protection against sickness.
• Please also pray for wisdom in my relationship with Ryan--that the Lord would continue to direct us and that we would seek Him first and foremost. Pray for Ryan's health--he had an MRI and spinal tap this week to confirm his health situation. More info to come.

I think that is it for now. I will work on being a little more diligent with keeping you all updated! Please continue to lift me up in prayer, and thank you for your love and support in what I am doing here!

Rejoicing Always!

Jules