Fighting in the Spiritual Realm

From my journal: 6.25.12

I came home from teaching today and wept. My heart was so broken for the girls in our CHANGE program who are hearing the Truth, but for some of them, really struggling to accept it. This week they are studying inner healing and it is very difficult for them to face. Satan, also, is attacking from all sides, blinding these ladies to the Truth that is being presented to them.

I was so weighed down by it all that I could only cry, and Kayla and I then fought in prayer on behalf of the girls, and especially M, who is returning home, though we do not know for how long. I think she is in part running from God and the things He is wanting to heal, though just the other day she told me she would try to believe. I so want to be able to do more, but feel like I need to just fight in prayer more than I've been doing. I read yesterday in Colossians -- "devote yourself to prayer". I am far from having a lifestyle devoted to prayer, but my eyes are being opened more to the fact that this is a spiritual battle that is raging, and we will find victory over the powers of darkness in the place of prayer.

Satan will be defeated.

{dreams}

I’m on a vast azure sea

The wind is talking to me

And laughing at my silly smile

As I rise and fall with the waves upon my little boat.

I’m standing upon a red rock

Watching color rise into an October sky

Bright dots against the indigo background

Hugging myself against morning chill

As the sun begins its slow ascent.

I’m walking through a forest of flowers

Breathing deeply scents drifting from petals

White lights serve as stars overhead

Whispers of je t’aime are overheard.

I’m sitting in an iron chair

A corner café

Church bells sing over me

In the quiet morning

My book smells of leather and antiquity.

I’m dreaming

And in all my dreams

There is one person by my side.

Thoughts on what's to come

This current season of my life is rushing breathlessly towards the finish line and I am finding my mind being drawn towards thoughts of the future and the great unknown. I’m excited, not fearful, expecting great things for the next season, just as these last 3 years have been full of journeys I never imagined, and wouldn’t trade for anything. I’m an adventurer, and just as this last scene of my life has been played out away from home and familiarity, I’m dreaming of the next scenes, and they, too, are on strange stages with strange people.

Perhaps in the morning I’ll think otherwise. I miss home, and I long for the people who make life worth living, but I don’t think I was meant to always live close by the ones who I love the most. I’m a dreamer—I look forward to the next thing—and am particularly excited about this next step; I’m about to enter into the “real world”.

Okay, so it’s still a year away, but I know very well how fast a year goes. Hellos, goodbyes, plane trips across the sea, senioritis and graduation will all happen before I know it, and then I’ll be driving away from the place where I lived most of four years and wondering what happened to all the time I once had.

But that’s all still yet to come. For now, I’m enjoying the place that I’m in, and enjoying the person that I am in this place; I know it will only last another 6 months. Dream—that’s good. But wake up where you are now and live.

A Truth Letter

This week for team time I felt like the Lord wanted us to write ourselves Truth Letters, because I think we have all been struggling with lies from the enemy lately, and it is powerful to speak the truth over ourselves. This is what I wrote, and wrote it as if the Lord were speaking to me:

Jules,

I want you to know first of all—there is nothing in my heart scolding you. I am rooting you onward. I haven’t called you to something easy—that’s why I told you that you have to be strong and courageous. Remember when I told Joshua that? I didn’t tell him “above all, be strong and very courageous” because the road ahead of him was easy. Hell no. The way to Christ-likeness is never easy, but it is worth it. You’re struggling to pursue Me, but my patience with you is not wearing thin, so keep on keeping on. In the moments when you don’t feel me, remember anyway that I am there and that I won’t ever walk away from you.

Don’t get down on yourself. You look in the mirror and see someone who jacked it up again, but when I look at you I see you clothed in righteousness and purity. You are my beautiful bride and there is no spot on you. That’s how I see you. Learn to see things from my perspective and stop wanting to beat yourself up. Talking down to yourself will only alienate you further. Accept who you are in Me and be done with it.

I made you beautiful and lively, thoughtful and joyful for a purpose: to represent those same characteristics that are in Me to others. I know you feel confused and unsure of yourself—of who you are or why you are the way you are. Stop wondering—you don’t need to. Remember, I am on my throne and I’m in control, and I made you this way for my glory. So stop wondering if you’re doing things wrong or why people see you the way that they do; it’s not important. My thoughts of you are the only ones that matter—and there is nothing you could do that would change my opinion of you. It’s set in stone, sweet heart.

Just do what you know I have called you to. Remind yourself of it and walk in it. It seems like the harder path—but in reality it’s not, because it is the one that I have set up for your good. On the path that I have made for you, only goodness and mercy will follow you all the days of your life.

You are beautiful. Your heart is beautiful. Keep coming after Me, and all these things will be added unto you.

Prayer Fuel

Interested in a little prayer material? I'm a missionary, and missionaries always need prayer. :) I love to pray the scripture, and have been praying these verses in particular for myself this past week. Please pray them for me as well.

Eph. 6:19, 20 "Pray also for me, that the message may be given to me when I open my mouth to make known with boldness the mystery of the gospel... Pray that I might be bold enough in Him to speak as I should."

It encourages me that the apostle Paul was asking this for himself. It's easy to think that sharing the message of the gospel was a piece of cake for him, when really that's probably not the case.

Isaiah 50:4 "The Lord God has given me the tongue of those who are instructed to know how to sustain the weary with a word."

So often I feel like I lack the proper words to say in my line of work (what do you say to prostituted women??), and would like wisdom to know what they need to hear. I want to have the words of the Spirit to sustain them, not my own.

Proverbs 4:23 "Guard your heart above all else, for it is the source of life."

My heart is quick to fly to anything that appeals to it; I need help in guarding my heart above all else.

The prayers of a righteous person avail much (James 5:16). So never doubt the power of your prayers. :)

CHANGE

So it occurred to me today that I haven't done an adequate job of explaining what has filled a significant portion of my hours lately, and what has been happening in the red light district of Chiang Mai. This post will hopefully make up for the lack!

The title of this post is the name of a 3-month long transformation program that Love Acts is now doing. It is for girls who have decided to leave the bars and want to make changes in their lives. With this program comes Bible studies, English classes, and job training, and our greatest desire is that these girls will find the love of Christ transforming their hearts! We currently have 5 girls participating in the program, all of whom have left the bars in search for something better. The topic for Bible study this week is their identity in Christ--a very important subject for everyone, but especially for these girls who have been labeled and defined by their jobs in the bars by family and society.

My biggest role currently in the CHANGE program is teaching English. Along with my ministry supervisor, I am putting together lesson plans that include daily vocabulary and grammar (teaching grammar in a different language is hard!). Right now I am teaching three days a week, and in the future we'll see what happens (my role changes quite frequently--it's all about learning flexibility and faithfulness where God places me for however long!). I love to teach, so I have really been enjoying my afternoons with these girls, even though it is difficult to teach with my limited language ability. I am grateful for the opportunity to get to know these beautiful ladies and have a part in seeing their lives transformed.

One of the girls has already put her faith in Jesus Christ, and there is another who is very quickly on her way. Yesterday our vocabulary lesson was on religion and I asked her what she believed. She told me, a little timidly at first, but then with greater boldness, "I follow Jesus!" I don't know if she has actually made a decision to surrender her whole life yet, but the Holy Spirit is clearly after her heart! Please pray with me for all 5 of these girls--that their hearts would be soft to the Lord and that He would truly transform their lives. It is nothing we can do, but only the work of the Spirit!