That Old Familiar Feeling

 I hadn't felt it for awhile, but there it is again--that old familiar feeling of stress and frustration that one experiences after teaching a group of students that just aren't comprehending the lesson. Tutoring students one-on-one is one experience, while teaching in a classroom setting with goals and deadlines is a whole different thing. It's been three years since I taught in a classroom, but as soon as I got that stressful sensation today it took me right back to Spanish I and II as a 19-year-old and 40-some high schoolers. At least in that situation we had a common language... now I'm trying to teach my language while not truly speaking theirs! Imagine trying to explain English grammar in Thai! Stress and frustration for both teacher and students, yet somehow I must carry on. I got used to that feeling of exhaustion after a full day of teaching before, and now I must accustom myself to it once again. I also remember the rewarding feeling of teaching as well, and I'm hoping that comes too, with time....

Resting between His Shoulders

Last Saturday I spent all day hanging out with my new favorite boys in Thailand. What do you do on a blazing hot Saturday in Thailand with three boys? That was my question, and it was soon answered by a trip to a local pool to cool off. While we waited for the 'baby' as we like to call him to wake up from his nap so we could head out to swim, I shared a precious moment with my little buddy, N. It started out as a tickle fight, and as soon as I wore this 8 year old out, he climbed onto my back and I began to walk back and forth through the house with him clinging tightly to me. I must have crossed the house a few hundred times, because he hung on to me for a solid 30 minutes at least, contentedly resting his head on my shoulders. While I walked I prayed over this darling boy, that his heart would be soft to the Lord.

I soon thought of Deuteronomy 33:12 which says, "Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in Him, for He shields him all day long, and the one the Lord loves rests between His shoulders." Just as N rested between my shoulders, allowing me to carry him and be strong for him while he was tired, so also the beloved of the Lord rests between His shoulders in their moments of weariness, and the Lord carries them. This became my prayer for N, and continues to be so.

May you know the Lord's strength and desire to be your shield today. Rest in Him, because He loves you and has never called you to walk alone: "Behold I am with you always..." (Matthew 28:20).

resting with my buddy

Thoughts on Kicking Overwhelmed-ness to the Curb

Sometimes, I get overwhelmed. I know that God has led me to Thailand, and to work with Love Acts, but some days, I have no idea what I am doing. I want an instruction manual—a step by step guide with how to do ministry and learn the language and win people for the Lord. There is no such book, and my only guides are the Holy Spirit (the very good Helper) and my own mind. Sometimes that leaves me feeling very lost, for sometimes, the Holy Spirit whispers rather too quietly for my busy, distracted mind to take notice. Other times, He doesn’t speak at all, leaving decisions up to me alone.

When that happens I sit on the couch and stare…. at nothing really…. Just stare and wonder and feel very, very small. And then I think, “What in the world am I doing?” And there is no verbal answer, but I remember in my heart that with the Spirit of God empowering us, we will not only “soar on wings like eagles”, but we will “walk and not faint” (Isaiah 40:31). It’s the walking without fainting part that I need assistance with right now. I’m nowhere near soaring with eagles, and I’m not even running right now (though I would love a good run—it’s a great stress reliever). It’s the one-day-at-a-time walking in faithfulness to what God has called me to that I need the most help with. And—He’s promised it to me. So, even though I’m clueless, I’m confident in my cluelessness, because I have the promises of God, based on His unchanging nature, backing me up.

So, I’m alright. Take that, overwhelmed-ness. =)

Little Boys

Once upon a time, I fell in love with four little boys from Mexico.

I was seventeen, and on my first mission trip. It was at that time that the Lord stirred my heart towards pursuing missions, and it was at that time that I first learned to love little boys who were not accustomed to receiving love.

Now, there are four new little boys in my life, only these ones are from Thailand.

I have only known them a short time, but already they are stealing my heart. They have not received love as they should have for much of their lives, but now they have an opportunity to be loved as never before. And I have the opportunity to be a giver of that love to them.

 It has been almost six years since the Lord first started to touch my heart to minister to hurting little boys, and now I have a very real chance. Thank You, Jesus, for making everything beautiful in its time.