What God is NOT

God is not limited by events.
God is not surprised by anything that happens.
God is not scared.
God is not wondering how to defeat Satan.
God is not questioning His plan. It's perfect.
God is not off His throne.
God is not thinking of abandoning His people.
Ever.

เหนื่อยใจ

Taken from my journal entry today. The last few days have been rough... but He is bigger. If only I can remember that...

"Another day of weariness. I feel as if lately I have not been doing much to expend emotion, and yet, I feel so emotionally worn... I keep craving home--family, best friends, comfort, time to process, no demands--it's a romanticized version of the real thing, but it again appears to me as the escape hatch. I feel too tired to press through two more months of the same thing. I'm tired of seeing my friends struggle--I want Truth to reign in their lives. I want to see God win in a BIG way. But Julie, are you unwilling to see the little battles that He wins? It's always a process. You aren't going to see your friends saved and sanctified all at once. Are you willing to stand beside them through the process? Are you willing to fight the battles with them? God is patient with them and with you. You must also be patient with them and with God. Love is never tired of waiting. Your head knows so well to not grow weary in doing good. You must also train your heart. You must make strong the weak places; you must keep your head up; you must keep your gaze fastened on Christ.

You're stronger than this. You are a fighter, an over-comer, a winner. You will not be defeated -- He promised.

...You know what won't satisfy your longings? Your Mama, Brielle, a strong man's comforting arms around you, R, a change of scenery, a change of lifestyle, compliments, adventure, your own bed back in the US, sleep, coffee. These things won't cut it. You know what will? HIM. He will. Your ความหวังเดียว. Be courageous! Even if courage is simply smiling instead of allowing weariness to cover your face, that is enough. You have a beautiful inheritance. You are the daughter of a King. Is that not worth smiling about?

In you, O Lord, do I take refuge; let me never be put to shame! In your righteousness deliver me and rescue me; incline your ear to me and save me! Be to me a rock of refuge, to which I may continually come; you have given the command to save me, for you are my rock and my fortress... For you, O Lord, are my hope, my trust, O Lord, from my youth....forsake me not when my strength is spent... But I will hope continually and will praise you yet more and more. Psalm 71:1-14

Put your hope in Him, oh my soul. Head up. Heart strong."

Going Halvsies!

Today, two different people asked me if I was ลูกครึ่ง. I suggest you don't put that word into Google Translate. It will tell you the wrong meaning... and that is not what I got asked today. ลูกครึ่ง literally means half-child--and those who were asking me were wondering if I was half Thai. Before last week, I had never been asked that before... but in the last 7 days literally 3 or 4 people have asked me. I must say, I'm flattered; I think Thai people are absolutely beautiful. :) My question is, do you start to look like the people you live among? Because in that case... I've lived in Thailand for a year... I guess I could look a little more like a Thai person now :)

I think their reasoning is two-fold. 1) They tell me พูดชัด -- you speak Thai very clearly. And 2) I simply look Thai!

Alright.... I'm okay with that!

Heartbreak

  Heartbreak has not been a stranger to me all my life. I have known heartbreak on several occasions since I was a young girl…. I remember lying in bed at night, listening to parents and siblings fight and thinking, this is the worst night of my life. Of course, worse nights came for me. As I got older I struggled for myself in my relationship with my parents, and many nights cried long and hard over the pain in my heart after arguments. Later, most of the heartbreaks I encountered were self-inflicted. I pursued things and people that I knew were not good for me; when they were finally ripped out of my life, I experienced the pain of having given so much of my heart to something that when it was gone, I felt as if my heart were literally torn in two. Boys. Parents. Friends. All have left me heartbroken at various times. I have shed many tears over my personal pain.

  One day, perhaps a year or two ago, I asked the Lord to allow me to feel heartbroken for someone else. For so long I had known only hurt for myself; I had cried over my own heartbreak countless times. I wanted to feel pain on behalf of another person.

The Lord answers prayer.

I am heartbroken.

  I am heartbroken for three little boys who have a mother who does not love them enough to care for them herself, and so are passed around from person to person who cannot commit to raising them. I am heartbroken for a girl who has left a life of working in the bars, but is struggling to stay out of it—wanting love and looking for it in men and sex. I am heartbroken for a girl who allows money to define her, and refuses to give up a job she despises just so she can live in financial security. I am heartbroken for men who are looking for fulfillment in their lives by buying cheap sex, and are so casually willing to destroy the lives of others in the process. I am heartbroken for a girl who desires freedom to do what she wants in life, but doesn’t realize that true freedom is found in Christ.

  Today I cannot stop weeping. I am so heartbroken. I am not shedding a tear over any pain of my own—I am crying over the pain of so many who simply need Jesus.

“The Lord is near the brokenhearted…” Psalm 34:18

  God, be near them, because though they may not realize it, their hearts are breaking, and they can only find healing and freedom in You.