Warm and Happy Home

I have been having my worst parenting moments ever of my year plus of motherhood. Eloise started the week out sick, and it’s just gotten worse from there. My patience is not thin, it’s gone. I kicked a stuffed animal this morning. I know my anger is uncalled for and sinful but OH! I am struggling to overcome it. El is getting into everything. All. Day. Long. I want my vocabulary towards her to include more than “no”, “stop” or “don’t touch”. Timeout is too frequent for her, and I need timeout more than she does.

I bought a candle yesterday called “Warm and Happy Home”. In my mind I would light this candle and my house would smell wonderful, my husband would come home to a delicious dinner on the table, a baby who is playing contentedly, and a wife who is filled with adoration towards her family. I’ve been disappointed that those effects have not yet materialized.

Instead all I feel is frustration and I want someone to take my baby from me just for a day. Maybe even an hour. I’ve had three students interview me this week on spiritual disciplines and leadership, and I feel like this is probably the worst week of my life to be trying to tell someone what it looks like to walk out in spiritual ANYTHING.

Nobody tells you parenting is THIS hard.